The Empty Nursery

IMG_6690It’s National Infertility Week.

Thoughts, emotions, and numbers are swirling through my heart and head…I feel like the psalmist David who cried out to God and raged against his troubles at the beginning of his song, but by the time he reached the end, he praised God for what He had done and what He was going to do.

I don’t go into the nursery very often. Because it’s unbearably empty.

5 years on this infertility journey and it’s still hard to see pregnancy & birth announcements. Pictures of darling babies on my Facebook feed. Adorable baby outfits at the store. Sweet toothy grins from the baby looking at me from the next church pew.

1 year ago God called us to begin our adoption journey. It’s been 6 months since we started presenting to birth moms and  we have heard “no” over and over (around 44 times) just because we are Mennonite. It doesn’t seem fair. What if the nursery stays empty??

At times I find myself thinking all hope is gone. And then I remember…
God is in the business of redeeming stories, renewing hope, and revealing Himself more and more as we walk by faith. He has changed my heart and my husband’s heart through both of these journeys we are on–and we wouldn’t trade that for the world.
One of my favorite Biblical passages is from Habakkuk 3: 17-19:
Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

Abba Father, You are good. So good. I praise You for what you have done in my life and for what you are about to do.

I claim Your promises:

To never leave us nor forsake us.  (Deuteronomy 31:6)
To work all things together for our good. (Romans 8:28)
To give us a hope and future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
To renew our strength. (Isaiah 40:31)
To give us rest. (Matthew 11:28)
To establish all our plans. (Proverbs 16:3)
To sustain us and never let us be shaken. (Psalm 55:22)
To make our paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
To redeem us. (Isaiah 43: 1)
To help when we are tempted. (Hebrews 2:18)
To comfort us when we mourn. (Matthew 5:4)
To instruct us and teach us in the way we should go.(Psalm 32:8)
To give us the desires of our heart. (Psalm 37:4)
To deliver us from our troubles. (Psalm 34:19)
To answer us in our distress. (Psalm 120:1)
To be near to all that call upon You. (Psalm 145:18-19)
To keep us in perfect peace. (Isaiah 26:3)
To satisfy our needs. (Isaiah 58:11)
To make everything beautiful in Your time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
To bestow on us a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. (Isaiah 61:1-3)

Friends and loved ones on this painful journey of infertility, I am so sorry. It breaks my heart. I understand!  But this I know: if you resolve to tell God He is still good, I promise you He will take you places you’ve never been before!

“1 in 8 couples suffer with this disease of the reproductive system. And chances are you know someone who struggles with the heartache and the constant battle to be able to do what is supposed to be so natural and easy, which is grow their family. So please say a prayer for them tonight. Pray for peace to overwhelm their anxious minds…pray for hope to be restored to their hopeless situation…pray for healing to manifest in their bodies…pray for wisdom to know which direction to take…pray for faith to be strengthened…and pray for the five stages of grief to soon end as the desires of their hearts are finally fulfilled.” ~Waiting for Baby Bird

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15 thoughts on “The Empty Nursery

  1. I love those promises your are claiming, Kristina! God loves to hear us sing and praise Him in the hard times, maybe more so than in the good times. God has an amazing plan for y’all! Love you!

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  2. Wonderful blog Kristina. Those are hard words…empty nursery…infertility…makes me sad for you and your family BUT I’m glad for that passage in Habakkuk and for all the promises! Those promises are the food that will nourish you…to give you the strength to fight the battle that is raging. I love Hebrews 4:16. We can come boldly to the throne of Grace with boldness to receive mercy for timely help…!
    I am remembering you to our Abba Father! Much love! And Grace!

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  3. I LOVE this so. We are praying for you lots. But having experienced infertility to a much smaller degree then you I understand. My heart aches for you. Thanks for being so real and blessing us along the journey!❤️❤️🙏🏻

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  4. Daughter, my mother heart weeps with you as you walk this hard journey. If I could I would make the pain go away and give you the desires of your heart. Daughter of God, my heart rejoices as you walk the path of acceptance of His plan. God has and is doing a work in your life that is beautiful to see. I pray that walk becomes only more beautiful as you daily submit to Him. I also pray I Peter 1:7 for you. Love you so much!

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  5. My heart resonates with every word you wrote. Thank you for sharing what so many of us would love to be brave enough to share……God blessed us with a beautiful daughter thru adoption but the ache/pain of infertility never goes away. Praying for you and your adoption journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. O wow that is wonderful, Wendy–so happy for you! Yes, we have gotten feedback that our being Mennonite scares the moms away. Curious where you adopted from? The agencies we work with are primarily in areas that know nothing about Mennonites. Maybe that makes a difference?

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  6. I was curious if the birthmoms were telling you this or the agency. I expected it to be an issue but it didn’t seem to be, unless we just weren’t told. We also adopted through an agency/area that is not familiar. I would love to share more but would prefer not to share publically. I would be glad to give you my contact info if you want to talk! Blessings to you!

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    1. The birthmoms were telling the agency and the agency told us. They didn’t tell us this until we asked for specific feedback as to why we weren’t being picked. That is interesting that you had no problems in an unfamiliar area. You know, I’m just reminded that everyone has their own journey…the Lord knows all this and He is in control! 🙂 Yes I would love to have your contact info! You can friend me on Facebook if you like!

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  7. I was going to say that but didn’t want to sound cliché!! It is so true and for us we have no doubt these were “our babies”. I’m sure you will know that when you look into “your” little ones eyes too! Our second adoption was definitely not when I was expecting it and it all makes sense now! Such a miracle and has given me a much stronger faith!

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