Chapter One: Adoption Journey

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On June 20th, 2016, after a year of waiting to adopt, our lives were forever changed.  We heard the words, “You were chosen by a birth mom.” We were ecstatic and began to make plans. September 24th couldn’t come fast enough for us. We told all our friends and family and they rejoiced with us. We laid awake at night, dreaming of the future and praying for our birth mom and our son, who we called by name. I bought a pile of sweet little baby boy clothes and placed them into the baby chest. I giggled and cried with my best friend as we talked about raising baby boys together–a dream come true.

On July 6th, I sent our birth mom her first text, asking how she was doing. When she didn’t respond, I tried again the next day. A week went by and I left her a voice mail. When that didn’t work, and the agency worker said they hadn’t heard from her lately and that it wasn’t a good sign, I knew. I knew then in my heart that it was over. I wept a lot that day, crying out to Jesus on the birth mom’s behalf, pleading for her and the baby’s safety. I told the Lord that if this match failed, it was okay. I didn’t want to beg Him for this baby. Lord, let Your will be done.

On July 15th, I got a text from our agency worker saying it wasn’t good news. Gene and I looked at each other across the table, our hearts sinking. Five minutes later she called us and told us that the birth mom had switched to a local agency and had chosen another family. Is this a bad dream? Is this really happening? We sat at the table with Kerra and cried as we realized we would not be a family to this baby who we had already come to love so much in such a short time.

We are heartbroken, but not destroyed; devastated, but still have HOPE. Because the God we serve gives so much grace! We are thankful for several things: that we are being released from our contract with this agency and can go back to Faithful Adoption; we didn’t lose more than $1000, and last but definitely not least, that the match failed now and not later!

We are not giving up!! We are choosing to stay on this rollercoaster called “The Adoption Journey”. Hanging on tight–we are trusting the One Who is in control of this wild ride. We have already said “yes” to be presented in a new adoptive situation, and are prepared to say “yes” as many times as it takes…

Take the very hardest thing in your life – the place of difficulty, outward or inward, and expect God to triumph gloriously in that very spot. Just there He can bring your soul to blossom.”
-Lilias Trotter

Our hearts go out to those of you who are on painful Journeys. Who hear words no one ever wants to hear:

Your baby has no heartbeat.

You cannot get pregnant.

You have cancer.

Your loved one passed away.

…words that rip open our hearts, tear away hope, and sling grief.

 I cried out to God for help;
    I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
    at night I stretched out untiring hands,
    and I would not be comforted.

I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
    I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.[b]
You kept my eyes from closing;
    I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
    the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
    My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

“Will the Lord reject forever?
    Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
    Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
    Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
    the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

13 Your ways, God, are holy.
    What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
    you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
    the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.  {Psalm 77: 1-15}

When we, like David, remember Who God is, we can rest in Him. Oh sweet peace!!

And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. {Philippians 4:7}

He promises to draw near to the brokenhearted, to provide for those who grieve, to comfort all who mourn, to give beauty for ashes, oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. {Isaiah 61:1-3}

So here we are Lord, clinging to Your promises. We trust You. Because You are good.

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4 thoughts on “Chapter One: Adoption Journey

  1. What a journey! So glad God is at the center of your journey and you can trust Him to lead you every step of the way> We journey with you in our prayers and with our love…….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Kris, my heart goes out to you on this journey you are on..we didn’t ever adopt through an adoption agency, but we are doing foster care. We have adopted our little son who is now 4 an have 2 little girls (2 and 3 mo.) who are still foster. I’m happy to hear you are considering fostering to adopt! Blessings! Celena

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing Celena! I would love to hear more about your journey with fostering-to-adopt someday!! We are a bit “stuck” now that our match failed because we are under contract with this agency, which means we will be sticking with adoption at this point. But foster-to-adopt is still on our hearts and we will definitely be looking at that in the future! Blessings to you too!

      Like

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